THE AWAKENED GODDESS: KUNDALINI at PLAY
By Ruth Angela
Copyright 2008(This chapter 4 is from an earlier version of the book The Hero's Path Within: Kundalini at Play which has been radically revised since this was first published. Nonetheless the information is still helpful. )
On the night of Friday, 13th July, 1979, Cheryl and I rode in her yellow Volvo a mile from our houses to Lanikai, a small village on the East side of Oahu which faces onto one of the most beautiful beaches in the world. Cheryl had found a meditation center in Lanikai and was anxious to share with me the peace and tranquility she had found. I had a good feeling about the word "meditation" as my daughter's preschool teacher, Anita, had been a meditator, and had been calm and composed in all kinds of crises, so I was already convinced that meditation would certainly help me get some relief for my ball of tension and stress.
In a shady road just off the beach was the pretty single story home owned by an Italian/American couple, Rob and Leah. They ushered us in with joy sparkling in their eyes. Since I was new to meditation, Rob took about ten minutes to explain how I should meditate and follow the program. I listened carefully. Rob said that I should participate as fully as I could in following the chant which was on tape, and when the tape ceased I should sit quietly and repeat in my mind the phrase, "Om Namah Shivayah" anytime my mind wandered off into other thoughts.
Then Rob ushered the small group of people into a large, darkened room, with no furniture, the men on the right side and the women on the other, sitting cross-legged on pillows on the carpet. At the front of the room was a large picture of a bearded Indian man with a red dot in his forehead. I felt a little uncomfortable about this picture and decided I would not look at it, nor worry about it since I was there for meditation and the sacred icons of these Italian people who seemed so warm and loving, was none of my business.
The program started with a hymn sung in a strange language which I was later told was Sanskrit. Following this, Rob read a passage from a book by Swami Muktananda with questions and answers. He put on a tape, and we started to chant. There was lyrical Indian drumming and some organ music which offset the chant phrases that were repeated, first the tape leading singers and then the audience. It reminded me of the "call and response" of the Episcopal churches where I had sung in the choir throughout my life. The language was not English but Sanskrit. I could not make out any recognizable phonemes for quite some time, and then quite naturally, I got into the swing of it. It was "Om Namo Bhagavate, Nityanandaya," in call and response with the music melody being repeated for two rounds before changing to a related melody for two rounds and then returning to the first melody. It seemed soothing, most comforting and relaxing. Although I did not understand the words, I stuck with it, giving it my all as always. The chanting continued for thirty minutes.
Then a new tape was started with a very slow, almost dirge-like and rather anguished chant of "Om Namah Shivayah." This was the tape which would put me into meditation--the "mantra" tape. In the darkened room, I felt floaty and noticed that the tension in my stomach had not occupied my mind at all. I noticed how very relaxed I felt. I felt dreamy and safe. My body started to sway and sometimes I felt a muscle jerk as if something readjusted. My arms felt ephemeral, gradually feeling stranger in the lower arm, but I could not move them as I felt too relaxed.
After 30 minutes the tape stopped and there was silence. Everyone by now was in a very quiet and peaceful state. I remembered the instructions to repeat the same syllables silently inside. I was aware then that my arms and hands were dead and paralyzed, like the blood had drained out of them. Gradually my fingers became rigid, stretched out in front as if pulled. Strangely, I was curious but not alarmed.
My breathing got faster, and I had a realization that all the tension inside me would leave me. The tension in my gut was bubbling up out of my mouth, and I found that my head was naturally falling back in order for these bubbles to emerge. For a while it was amusing to feel these bubbles coming out of my mouth. But I started to sob. Somewhat embarrassed and self conscious, I blew my nose quietly. Then I sat cross-legged again and said the mantra.
Suddenly my head was jerked back firmly as if by a very strong tug from behind. My throat was thrust towards the ceiling and my head pressed farther back than I ever thought it would go, so that I wondered if my neck would break. I could barely breathe. At the same time my spine stiffened like a rod so I could not relieve the pressure on my head and neck. The force was phenomenal and totally in control. I stayed rigidly locked in this position while the bubbles of tension continued to rise, bubbling out of my fish-like mouth, my chest heaving in deep sobs and tears pouring down my face.
Fixed in this position, sobbing out of control, I remained thus for at least fifteen minutes until the tension bubbles emptied out. My hands and their rigid, spread fingers were receiving waves of blue electricity. I seemed to be plugged into some enormous energy socket through my hands. I had no idea where it was coming from. Then just as unexpectedly the tension holding my neck released and I curled up into a pile and unashamedly sobbed and sobbed. My social concerns had fled. All I knew was incredible relief because the tension had indeed ALL gone. I felt all warm and fuzzy as I used to feel when I had cried as a child and had been comforted by my mother. The people in the center quietly left me to recover, while they went into another room for snacks.
After a while, I was able to stop crying and join the others feeling somewhat embarrassed but not really caring because I was in such bliss. Rob and Leah told me my "Kundalini" had been awakened. I had no idea what that meant, but I knew that I felt incredible. They seemed to be thrilled about it. Cheryl was not very sure, being confused and puzzled as were some of the other guests. Rob said, "This is a very auspicious day for you." I really did not pay attention to his words at that point. All I knew was that I came there as a wreck of tension at 7:30 p.m. and by 9:30 p.m., I was leaving on a cloud. I felt as if I were floating three feet above the ground. I felt "in love" in the deepest way. I felt totally whole. I was an entirely new being in just two hours.
That evening after Cheryl dropped me off, I looked up at the sky really seeing the stars. I felt them all speaking to me as my best friends. I felt such a close affinity to every single star, so that I could almost give them personality profiles. I was equal to the stars, I was among them and I felt them singing to me. At home I sat down to contemplate what had happened and a fly alighted on my arm. I watched it walk around and then somehow, I knew I could communicate with the fly. So I gave it instructions about where to walk and it did everything I asked. If such a thing had occurred before this awakening, I should have been shocked, but now it seemed normal that I could communicate fully with a fly and it would do whatever I asked of it.
Something in me had definitely shifted gears or dimensions. I felt deeply in love with the fly, with the stars, with life. From a nervous wreck with a ball of unrelenting tension and an out of control life, in only a few hours, I had become a calm, divine being at one with the universe. I had no way of understanding anything at that point because all I knew was intense and unrelenting bliss. The genie had burst its bottle, and the benefits appeared unbelievably wonderful. Little did I understand then that I was tasting the bliss of the awakening, but that there was a cleansing process I still had to go through.
It is interesting to note that it is exactly 21 years to the day, July 13, 2000 that I finalized this chapter. This is the synchronicity that occurs regularly since my Kundalini awakening.
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Further chapters are still in progress. I hope to get the book done soon. Please write if you would like a copy.
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Copyright to Ruth Angela 2008.